There is nothing more important than effective communication in any dispute resolution process. Most disputes arise out of ineffective communication resulting in misunderstanding, misinterpretation and further miscommunication and the cycle goes on resulting in emotional dysfunction. Some participants may close up and prefer to ignore or keep off the other participant and some may choose to confront the issues and in many cases, confront the person.
In the process of confrontation, especially when done in an emotionally stressed state of mind, one may say things he does not mean or things he means in an unacceptable and distrustful manner thereby not succeeding in achieving the result he would have preferred. In the process, infuriating language, spoken or inferred, may be used. And instead of eliciting understanding, conflict ensues.
In order to get parties to a point where they can be objective and listen to one another, the mediator must not only be considerate and articulate in his use of language but must sense the actual meaning and possible individual interpretations of words spoken by parties. Where words are likely to either be misunderstood or are meant to convey meaning which may result in another party getting provoked, in a timely manner, the mediator must reframe such language to assist in passing a more effective meaning without provocation.
Reframing is a life skill that we all should learn. It is not only useful in mediation but in family and work conversations, indeed in all relationships.
So what is reframing and why is it so important?
We all see things from our individual perspectives (our frames). Our individual perspectives are influenced by events in our lives including our upbringing, education, environment, culture, exposure, experiences and imbibed prejudices. More often than not, these influence our interpretation of present circumstances sometimes resulting in misinterpretations. It is important that we are able to understand who we are and who the other party is to help us in our interpretation of circumstances and words.
For instance, in a Nigerian setting, the words “am I your mate?” when not said in a contentious situation may be laughed over and when said in a dispute situation or to one who may have an inferiority or superiority complex may result in that other feeling insulted. Still, if said to a non-Nigerian may be read totally differently, perhaps it may mean “are you and I even friends?”
Just the word “hey” could mean “hello” or “who are you there?” depending on the situation or culture and even where understood to mean ‘hello,’ could be seen as rude when said to an elder.
So what does reframing do?
The mediator is trained to understand the perspectives of all parties and in so doing is able to convey meaning in a more acceptable language for effective response. He is able to help parties see that there are other possible and tenable perspectives apart from theirs and if they were to observe from the other party’s perspective, may see that their reaction or response may be different. So, in a scenario of unfounded distrust for instance, the words “he cheated me. He charged me too much. He is a thief” may actually be more effectively said as “I feel I should have been charged less considering……” some competitive rate or available credible information may be used. This eliminates the accusation while passing the information that the charges should be reconsidered. The result is likely to be that the other party would speak to the issue and not to the accusation.
And in the situation of “hey” above, an understanding of the generational culture of the speaker may reduce the discomfort of the elder as to the intention of the speaker.
Deescalating tension, anger, retribution is necessary in bringing parties to the negotiation table. This can only be done through effective communication of one’s thoughts and ideas in a less contentious manner having regard to the listener’s perspective, likely understanding and interpretation of the communication of such thoughts and ideas.
BridgewaysADR 